I am trapped in a woman's skin

i am trapped in a woman’s skin,
made of little cuts and math
equations and the tender, frightened
hope for salvation.

in the dark, i am cold sparked with
pain, searching slowly for orion as
i melt into the ways of those who
have gone before me.

let me break this immortal reaction.
i wish you would forget me. i wish i
could dissolve into the core.

one angle shows a face; another,
the waves of the sea.
one flower spreads on the water.

i want to come home to find myself
waiting, awake and smiling.

tell me why i was the one chosen
to be born, of all the numberless
possibilities, why me?

i gather speed and fall into an
addiction.

i cannot control myself; i cannot
stop myself.

this is not an elegant sadness;
this grabs me, holds me under the
water as i struggle for air.